Funny differences between men and women

This is an Internet page with a lot of funny differences between men and women. Humor is often based on exaggeration and many of the jokes on this page are exaggerations sometimes a grain of truth. Nevertheless, also with humor sometimes indicate the pain spot and a joke can also lead to insight. But whether you just have to laugh, or learn something, I hope you enjoy this page with jokes and funny stories about the differences between men and women. Regards, Hein Pragt.

Funny stories aout men and women.

Differences in humor between men and women.

When men tell women jokes you often see that women do not laugh about typical "men's jokes" but most men do. Exactly the same thing happens the other way around, most men think that women cannot tell funny jokes. From an early age there are clear differences between boys and girls in the use of humor. If you look carefully you can see the differences even in the kindergarten, boys show more initiative to humorous activities, they tell jokes and play the fool and make funny faces, while most girls are quieter but often laugh at the jokes made by the boys. Even in mature people we see the same behavior, men think that women have a sense of humor when women laugh at their jokes, and most women think that a man has a sense of humor when he acts funny.

Funny story about the differences between men and women.

One day, three men make a trip through the jungle and reach the side of at a furious raging river. They have no idea how to cross this river and therefore the first man decides to ask God: "Please, God, give me strength to cross this river!" Then the muscles in his arms and legs start growing and he manages to cross the river swimming with a big struggle to the other site in a few hours, almost drowning twice. The second man sees this and prays to God: "Please, God, give me strength and tool to cross this river! " Out of nowhere there appears a boat and while rowing for a few hours he crosses the river also almost drowning twice. The third man sees this and and prays: "Please God, give me the strength, the tool and the wisdom to cross this river! " He immediately changes into a woman and she looks at the map, walks a few hundreds of meters upstream and crosses the bridge to the other side.

Differences between men and women during the creation.

When God had created the world he visited Adam and Eve in paradise and he said. "I still have two nice features to give to you, the first is the ability to urinate standing up". That's mine the man said enthusiastically and he ran off to find a tree. God laughs and says to the woman: "well then you will get the second one, here you have the ability of multiple orgasms".

Beer contains a lot of female hormones!

Recent studies show the presence of female hormones in beer and men should now be concerned about their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men will turn into women, or at least show a lot of female behavior. It was tested on 100 men that each drank 10 glassese of good quality beer within a one hour period. After this hour scientists observed that 100% of the test subjects showed the same behavior:

  1. They argued over nothing;
  2. They refused to apologize when they were obviously wrong;
  3. They all gained weight;
  4. They talked excessively without making sense;
  5. They became overly emotional;
  6. They couldn't drive a car, or were able to park a car;
  7. They failed to think rationally;
  8. All the men thought they were the center of the universe;
  9. They would hold and support each other while walking.
  10. They had to go to the toilet often and most of the time together;
No further testing was considered necessary!

Female dictionary for men.

De woman says thisThis is what it really means
I am sorry...It will happen the way I want it!
We want...I want...
Do what you want to doYou're gonna regret this!
We need to talk...Sit down, shut op and listen to what I have got to say...
Just go.Please stay.
I am not angry.Of caurse I am angry!
The kitchen floor is getting badI want a new house!
I would really like new curtains.I want to redecorate the entire livingroom and I want a dishwasher.
I think I heard somethingI don't want you to fall asleep yet!
Do you really love me?I'm gonna tell you something you are not going to like.
Please, 2 minutes patience.Take your time this will take at least half an hour.
Do you think I am overweighted?Please tell me I'm beautiful or you'll regret it.
You have to learn to communicate better.Shut up and listen!
I do not yell!Yes, of course I am yelling, otherwise you dont listen!

Male dictionary for women.

The man says thisThis is what it really menans
I am hungry.I am hungry.
I am sleepy.I am sleepy.
I am tired.I ams tired.
Will you go to the movies with me?Do you want to go to bed with me?
Can I take you out for dinner?Do you want to go to bed with me?
May I call you?Do you want to go to bed with me?
Will you go dancing with me?Do you want to go to bed with me?
Nice dress!Do you want to go to bed with me and can I can take it off?
You seem tensed, shall I give you a massage?Do you want to go to bed with me?
I feel bored.Do you want to go to bed with me?
I love youI want to go to bed with you!
Yes, I really love you too.Yes, lets stop talking and go to bed.
Lets talkI would like to convince you to go to bed with me.
Will you marry me?I don't want you to sleep with any other guy.

Jokes about men and women.

The five golden rules for women:

  1. It is important to find a man, who helps in the household.
  2. It is important to find a man with humor.
  3. It is important to find a man that does not cheat on you.
  4. It is important to find a man who is good in bed.
  5. It is very important that these four men do not know each other!


The woman is often angry about:

1. What he did do;
2. What he did not do.
3. somthings he wants to do;
4. things he does not want to do.

reasonable, or not?

The three stages of marriage:

In the first year the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year both speak and the neighbors listen.

Why do some men not have a midlife crisis?
They always remain in their puberty.

What is the difference between a singles bar and a circus?
In the circus the clowns do not talk.

Whats the difference between a man and a dog?
Its takes longer to train the man.

Why is going to bed with some men the same as a watching a soap?
By the time it gets interesting its over.

Why are jokes about blondes so short?
So that men can remember them.

What did God say when he had created the man?
I think I can do that a little better next time!

Why do men want to marry a virgin?
They can not stand criticism.

Why do men give a name to their penis?
Because they do not want a stranger takes all their decisions.

Why is it so difficult to find a handsome and sensitive man?
Because they usually already have a male partner.

How do men sort their laundry?
Dirty and dirty but still can wear it.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.

Whats the difference between the avarage mnan and E.T.?
E.T. wants to call home.

How do men fitness at the beach?
Each time they see a beautiful woman to hold in their bellies.

Why do men like intelligent women?
Opposites attract.

Why do 90 percent of the women simulate their orgasm?
Beacuse they still believe that men care about this.

Why a man cannot stimulate orgasm?
Because its almost impossible to deliberately draw such a strange face!

What is the difference between a husband and a lover?
40 pounds most of the time!

Why did God first created man and then the woman?
To give him some time to enjoy the earthly paradise.

When does a woman know that her husband is cheating?
If he starts to take a shower twice a week.

Why is eye contact so difficult for most men?
Breasts do not have eyes.

What have toy trains and breasts in common?
They are intended for small children, but it is the men who want to play with it.

What you have to give a man who has everything?
A woman who shows him how to use it.

What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still gets excited when he sees you.

What is the best way to make a man do something?
Just say that he is too old for it.

What is the similarity between men and computers?
No one understands why they do weird things and they always have too little memory.

Last update: 21-07-2016

Disclaimer: All pages on this Web site are copyrighted by Hein Pragt, unless otherwise noted. I strive for accuracy but cannot be held responsible for any errors in the content. For questions about the content of this site or persmission to copy you can contact me at: (email: is registered under KvK number: 73839426.